Edward Cullen Reads Fanfiction
by Sarrebham1
Summary: I met Edward, and decided to show him Fanfiction! But what happens when he finds the "M" rating on the Twilight site? Dum, dum, dum! Now with Jacob reads Fanfiction!
1. Edward and Fanfiction

**Hi! Hope you Enjoy, no, not hope. YOU BETTER ENJOY THIS OR ELSE! ...**

**Edward reads Fanfiction**

"No!" Edward's eyes popped. His reminded me of my mom's gold ring, which was a pretty. Like his eyes. Pretty.

I laughed, this was too funny, I should record this and put it on the internet.

"Why am I with that disgusting dog? Why is Bella with Jasper? This can't be." He looked at the screen again, as if checking it was still there, then he put his beautiful head in his hands. "Why is Bella a werewolf?" He spat out the last word.

I put a hand on his shoulder, trying not to laugh. "Edward, remember what I told you? This isn't real." It was hard not to laugh.

"I know! But, this, I mean… How could people be so… horrible?" He was looking at his hands, those piano playing, pale hands.

He was reading the first story on Twilight, on the Fanfiction website. I just had to show him this. I knew it was too funny.

"Edward, how about you read a better story? About the Culle- I mean, your family, playing Karaoke? That should be fun." This was so cool, I had gotten over the fact that Edward was in my house, but his presence was still overwhelming.

"I… I guess…" His hands (beautiful) clicked the mouse, and in turn, made the Fanfic disappear, to form a new story. This should be interesting. I had read the story a while back, making sure it was safe for him to read. I didn't want him going crazy, because some of the stories were… not for Edward's -amazing gold- eyes.

He laughed a weak laugh. "Emmett is singing "Soulja' Boy?" I could see him do that." He kept reading, clicking to the next chapter, his eyes twitching from line to line.

I phased out, knowing what happened in 4 chapters from where he was in this story.

It all started when I went in the forests of Washington (vacation), got lost, and met him. (I know, what a coincidence, right?) Well, after the many Fan-girl squeals and hugs and other things, I decided to show him Fanfiction.

"What is this song? I've never heard of it." He looked at me, and I snapped back to real time.

"Um, 'Teardrops on My Guitar?' I hate that song, look it up." I picked up the book next to me. _Twilight, _somehow, Edward already knew about the book. I had met Bella, and basically the rest of the Cullens, they were… How can I put it? Amazing. Yeah. Amazing. Really amazing.

Edward cracked his knuckles.

"Why did you do that? Now I feel the need to crack my knuckles!" I cracked my knuckles. Whenever I hear someone crack their knuckles, or even just the thought of cracking knuckles makes me feel the need to crack my knuckles. (A/N: I just crack my knuckles, lol)

"Sorry, Ellie, but, why am I singing 'This Love?'"

"I don't know, are you done?"

"Yes, but… Why?" He looked at me. "I never knew that there are so many people out there that want to torture me? And Bella? And Carlisle? Everybody." He looked pleadingly at me. My heart melted.

I thought; "I don't know, Edward, but, if you want to say something…" My thought's trailed off. I didn't know my thoughts could actually trail off.

"What?" He said quietly.

I smiled an evil smile. "Flame them." I said.

"What?" He raised his eyebrows.

"I'll show you."

**X- Half an hour later.-X**

Edward leaned back in his chair. "Ahhhh, that was nice."

"You really know some great synonyms of 'I hate you,' 'you suck,' and 'disgusting.'" I said, amazed at his great use of vocabulary. Even though I knew his smexy brain was incredibly smart, I didn't know he was _that_ smart.

"I'm glad you're impressed." He said, reading my mind. "And I needed to get that off my chest." I stiffened, still not used to the fact that he was reading my mind.

My stomach growled, and I blushed. _Damn stupid human characteristics of myself. _I thought.

He smiled, "Go ahead and eat, I'll read a bit more."

"Are you sure?" I looked at him, if there was another JacobXEdward, everyone in the vicinity was screwed.

"Yeah, go on Ellie."

I looked at him seriously. "Ok, don't go crazy." I walked to the kitchen, hoping that the lasagna from last night was still there.

I was eating it, enjoying the cheesy goodness that comes with lasagna, thinking that if Garfield was here, it would complete the goodness of this leftover dinner.

I heard a very loud scream.

_Oh crap. Crap, crap, crap. Crap crappity crap, crap, crap. _

I ran back to Edward, a sinking feeling in my chest.

He was standing, a horrible look of disgust, anger, and fear on his face.

"Um Edward." I started, freaked out be his face.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THERE WAS A 'M' RATING ON HERE?"

"Um…. Edward… Calm down…" I squeaked. I didn't know he would find it.

"SOME… ONE" He spat. "PUT ME AND THAT… BEAST HAVING A... A THREESOME WITH _JAMES_… IN GREAT DETAIL." Vampire spit flew from his mouth.

This was bad, very, very bad. I didn't know what to say, I should have put a child blocker on the 'M' rating before he came here.

"Edward, you know it is not real, right?" I shrunk to a corner. In the few days I had known him (or in the years I had known him in the books), I didn't know he could get this furious.

He was enraged. There wasn't much to do to stop him. His handsome features distorted.

I walked slowly to Edward, who was suddenly on the floor, looked like he was about to pull his kind of reddish hair from his pale scalp.

I put a hand on his shoulder, fearing my puny human life.

"Edward…" I took out my phone, I was going to call Bella, and Alice, they could get him calmer than I could.

He remained silent for the 3 minutes it took Alice to get here, and then 5 more minutes for Bella to get here. Alice had seen Edward go nuts and left early, calling Bella too.

Bella took him in his arms when she got here. (I can't do anything about them together, to my fan-girl sadness)

"It's ok Edward." She said quietly. She looked at me, and I mouthed the word 'Sorry' to her. She shrugged back.

"Come on, Ellie, let's go, they need a break together." Alice said, and we walked out. I sat next to Alice and we started playing a card game I taught her. I was loosing, to my displeasure.

**X- 19.4 minutes later. –X**

Edward and Bella walked to us, when we had started a different game that Alice taught me, I was winning, and didn't want to stop. But we stopped anyway.

"We're good now." Bella said.

"Yes, and I'm not going to read any more of the Fanfiction stories." Edward said, a small shiver escaped him.

"That's good." Said Alice.

Silence for 12 seconds.

"Um… You know what we should do?" I said, breaking the silence and making to mood a bit happier.

The 2 vampires and vampire-to-be looked at me.

I smiled a mischievous smile.

"Karaoke."

Alice beamed. "Oh, my gosh! That is a great idea!" She jumped.

We started leaving, when I said. "I need to turn the computer off, I'll be there in a sec." They nodded. I ran to the computer.

I looked at the screen, still at the story that made Edward go mad. I looked at it, and saw, at the end of the chapter, that the 3 had killed Bella.

I am glad he didn't get to that.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Review! I hope you liked this! I hope it was funny.**

**Review! Now! Or you will be killed by a fluffy bunny running with scissors….On a roller coaster. In Disney Land, the day before your birthday.  
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	2. Jacob and Fanfiction

**Jacob Reads Fanfiction!**

**Author's very important note! Well, this happens without Ellie meeting the Cullens, instead, she meets Jacob! Yay!**

"Oi! Mr. Grumpy Wolf! I wanna show you something funny!" I said, waving the hot guy over.

"What is it, Ellie?" Jacob said, walking to the computer, of which I had cleverly covered with a (dry) towel. He raised a furry werewolf eyebrow at me.

"Dum, dum, dum, dum!" I flew back the fuzzy white towel to reveal the computer.

He just looked at me.

"Look!" He looked at the screen where the lone site was up; at a certain section; at a certain book.

"What's Fanfictio… wait, is this where people make up…" I beamed at him and nodded my head enthusiastically, my reddish hair bobbing around.

He looked at me, then the screen, repeating this cycle about 3 times.

"Um…"

"Oh come on! It's really funny! Look…" I clicked on the first interesting thing I could see. "Look, this one is 100 ways to annoy a vampire." I looked at his wolf face.

"Well, if it's annoying those blood suckers." I moved aside so he could sit down. 100 ways to annoy vampires, I was surprised that some one could think of that many.

I drifted off to the far depths of space, thinking about meeting Jacob when my family came here, finding out my older cousin on my Mom's side was married to some one here. I had met him the day we got here on vacation, and had completely gone bonkers with fan-girl joy that Jacob was real. He was my favorite, Bella should have chosen him, but right now, I wasn't complaining. Though his house could use a good cleaning…

I deep snort brought me back to the plane of existence.

"Haha, sit next to a blood sucker on a train and start saying how werewolfs are cooler than vampires." He looked at me, "I like these, thanks Ellie."

"No prob., Jacob." This bed was comfortable, and that 2 hour time difference was getting to me.

Thankfully none of the last few stories were of Bella and Edward together, I had checked.

Another humungo snort jolted me up.

"Holy crap, Jacob! Does your nose have to blast cannons off every time I doze off?"

"Haha, sorry, but this one has to do with a vampire eating Cheerios!" I laughed, yeah, what a funny picture to see, a vampire eating Cheerios. I smiled.

Suddenly I didn't feel tired, for I was clapping clouds with my hands, Jacob next to me, catching big birds with a bubble wand. A friend at home laughed at us through a window in the sky.

No wait… I was dreaming.

"Jacob…" I mumbled, "Don't go to the M rated stories…:" I hoped he understood my mumbled goo-goo gah-gah land talk.

And I was off running in place, after an old lady who had my cherry popsicle wand.

"ELLIE!" The deep yell woke me up right before I caught the old lady, whose name was Pearl.

"WHAT?" I screeched, falling out of Jacob's bed and onto a poor spider, who had no luck since it came out of it's egg, being beaten by a stick 2 days ago.

I looked up to see Jacob staring at the screen, a look of terror on his face, in place of the hot Jacob I was used to.

Oh crap! He didn't…. I told him not to! He… no…

His long legs were at his muscled chest. Eyes were threatening to come out of their sockets.

I looked to the screen, dread overcoming me. And on the screen, was a story.

But not just any story! Oh no! This was a rated M story.

But not just any rated M story, one where Jacob Black and Jasper Cullen start to fight about the better flavor of Pringles (I know, WTF?) and suddenly, ss though they were meant to be, started have sex.

Right there, in the middle of the screen, suddenly Emmett follows suit, walking in on them, and joining, as this author put it; "the fun."

Oh no… no, no, no. Crap.

I put my arms around Jacob. He smelled like a cuddly dog to me, I thought all dogs are cuddly.

"Um… I'm going for a run." He said, standing up. I fell on my butt. Ow…

"Ok, Jacob."

He took off his shoes and shirt. But before he could leave (or take anything else off) I hugged him.

"Jacob… You know this isn't real… right?" I looked at his face.

"Yes Ellie… I just, need some fresh air. We'll laugh this off later." He looked at my still worried face, I really didn't know he could act like this. Stupid Fanfiction.

"Don't worry." He said.

"About a thing," I sang. "'cause, every little thing, is gonna be all right." I started to sing louder.

He smiled, and suddenly, with his super-cool werewolf skills, he was out the door.

I turned the damned website off, turning to my ipod, for now that song was stuck in my head.

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